By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
