I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
