If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
