I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
