i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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