I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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