best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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