I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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