well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
