Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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