i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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