you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I need water and some morals
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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