So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She said her name was "party"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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