She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
