No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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