What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
