You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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