So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
