I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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