We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
