No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
