party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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