The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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