Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
