bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
