took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
