dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
