I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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