Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
