Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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