He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
