As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The Olympian is in my bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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