I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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