he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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