didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
