I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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