# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
one two three fourrrrnication!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
