i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
