So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
