bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
