when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
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Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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