she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
