he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
