I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
