I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
