my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize