dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
