dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
