I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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