I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
