A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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