The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
