You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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