can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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