Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
