You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
