I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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