WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
