She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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