you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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