At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
