god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
