Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
