I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
