Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
