Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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