okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
