Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
