I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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