I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
