I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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